En-gage: Are you (co-co-)nuts?

I am al-ler-gic (adj.) to dair-y (adj.): containing or made from milk;

Acidophilus milk  Ammonium Caseinate  Butter  Butter Fat  Butter Oil  Butter  Solids  Buttermilk  Buttermilk Powder  Calcium Caseinate  Casein  Caseinate  Cheese  Condensed Milk  Cottage Cheese  Cream  Curds  Custard  Delactosed Whey  Demineralized Whey  Dry Milk Powder  Dry Milk Solids  Evaporated Milk  Ghee   Goat Cheese  Goat Milk  Half & Half  Hydrolyzed Casein  Hydrolyzed Milk Protein  Iron Caseinate  Lactalbumin  Lactoferrin  Lactoglobulin  Lactose  Lactulose  Low-Fat Milk  Magnesium Caseinate  Malted Milk  Milk  Milk Derivative  Milk Fat  Milk Powder  Milk Protein  Milk Solids  Natural Butter Flavor  Nonfat Milk  Nougat  Paneer  Potassium Caseinate  Pudding  Recaldent  Rennet Casein  Sheep Milk  Sheep Milk Cheese  Skim Milk  Sodium Caseinate  Sour Cream  Sour Milk Solids  Sweetened Condensed Milk  Sweet Whey  Whey  Whey Powder  Whey Protein   Concentrate  Whey Protein Hydrolysate  Whipped Cream  Whipped Topping  Whole Milk  Yogurt  Zinc Caseinate.

Obviously, I avoid milk and cheese. When at the grocery store, I scan the ingredient list for any of the above mentioned additives. If the item contains one of these dairy culprits, the item is placed back on the shelf and I verbally exclaim “Seriously?!” (as opposed to thinking it and keeping my disgust to myself). By now, you’d think I’d be used to seeing dairy in EVERYTHING; however, it still surprises me and I become the person in the grocery aisles muttering to herself about dairy.

Fortunately, dairy alternatives have become wicked popular. Although people who can have dairy but decide not to for whatever reason annoy me (I’m looking at you person who asks the barista if they have rice milk and when the answer is no, opts for two percent), I appreciate that companies see the opportunity to monopolize on these lifestyle choices and make more dairy-free items.

I’d like to state that I do not enjoy

co-co-nut (n.; circa 1610): the large, oval, brown seed of a tropical palm, consisting of a hard shell lined with edible white flesh and containing a clear liquid. It grows inside a woody husk, surrounded by fiber.

The flavor and texture does not appeal to me, yet if I want whipped cream, co-co-nut is my alternative. When I hear co-co-nut, I think of chocolate co-coa (n., homonym to co-co): a chocolate powder made from roasted and ground cacao seeds. If a co-co-nut were at all related to co-coa, the definition of co-co-nut would be (n.): a delicious, chocolate-covered nut. I’d eat that.

Not only do I not enjoy the taste of co-co-nut, but the name is a lie! It is neither chocolate nor a nut! I digress. I’m ranting because I want others to know that you can still enjoy whipped cream–throw a can of co-co-nut cream in the fridge, leave it over night, whip it with your mixer, and add an insane amount of powdered sugar (or if you like the taste of co-co-nut, only add enough to keep the whipped cream a solid thickness).

So all of you al-ler-gic to dair-y individuals out there: embrace the co-co-nut and don’t worry–your friends that are allergic to tree nuts can safely eat this co-co-seed (unless they have a straight up co-co-nut allergy. Allergies are EVERYWHERE).

Co-co-nuts can also be used for transportation.



Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.