Roll the List #17, Dalton’s Take


Roll the List #17: 10 Worst Songs/Music Artists, Dalton’s Take

As are most fans of music, I am particular and vocal about the bands and songs I like, and even more so about the bands and songs I don’t. The only genre I struggle to find even a speckle of respect for is country. Every pop country song on the radio is going to have one of the following elements in it: beer, trucks, farmland and/or farming equipment, ex-wife, current wife, ‘merica, a scantily-clad woman (preferably blonde in tight jeans), and/or a dog. Most country songs have several of these elements. And some have all. The point is, I could easily fill up this list with 10 country songs that suck corn stock, but I’ll stick to the genres I enjoy that had some real stinkers come out.

Headstrong, Trapt – I don’t have much to say about this song other than it has always annoyed me. I can’t stand the chorus. It just sounds ridiculous to me, and at times it sounds like he couldn’t figure out how to sing it. I’m enraged just thinking about it…”Headstrong!…We’re…uh…um…uh…HEADSTRONG!”

Lyrics from any Black Eyed Peas song – I must admit that I find the beats of the Black Eyed Peas rather catchy at times. But, dangit, if their lyrics just aren’t the most mind-numbing of any pop music group this side of One Direction. From Lady Lumps to ring-a-ding-a-ling-ing, I have to just shake my head at the things that people get paid to do in entertainment.

Cheeseburger in Paradise, Jimmy Buffet – Nobody actually likes this song, right? It’s just a big joke? Okay, good, that’s what I thought.

Beverly Hills, Weezer – Weezer is known for its simple chords and musical skill being played in such a way in combination with its lyrics that you can’t help but fall in love with the songs. I actually am a fan of most Weezer stuff, despite its obvious simplicity. Weezer decided to test just how simple a single they could make by releasing Beverly Hills. Holy crap, this song is a bland waste of eardrum. If you are trying to teach your kid guitar or drums, have them learn this little doozy. Not much to it until the end, and by then I’ve lost interest.

Yellow Submarine, The Beatles – I am one of those individuals that thinks the Beatles deserve their respect and admiration for the way they changed music. They have some great songs, particularly lyrically, that I truly love. Having said that, I am not a personal fan. They aren’t my cup of tea for the most part. There is no greater instance of this than Yellow Submarine. Dumbest song ever. I don’t care if it has some historical metaphors or stupid crap like that, it still plays out like a child’s song, which it eventually became in the feature film. How any adult can truly love that some for its depth and exercised skill is beyond me.

Anything by Bob Marley – Calm your pretentious Fine Arts Major’s butt down. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the dude and he seemed like a legit individual. He wrote some good stuff. But I just personally hate the sound of conventional reggae, and this guy popularized it on my favorite radio stations so I was regularly subjected to it. Also, he is the theme song for pretentious college art students that I was forced to work around in my college days.

Bob Dylan’s voice – Dangit, the guy can write music, but if his voice doesn’t make me want to imagine a bullet in my head. Wait…that’s a bit ambiguous. Like, do I want to picture a bullet going through my brain, or like, form an image of a bullet with my imagination?…What were we talking about?

Nickelback – Because I’m supposed to.

Through the Fire and Flames, DragonForce – Dang you, DragonForce and your impossible guitar solos!!! Guitar Hero jokes aside, I think that DragonForce lost its appeal three months after it was discovered. D&D nerds playing 80s metal hit a chord with me, for sure, but now I can find touching music about Link’s love life in any genre of music I choose. DragonForce is a dime a dozen, and particularly a dime that has lost its luster.

Relax, Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Because I don’t want to kill the prime minister of Malaysia.

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